Honoring a Life Well Lived

Just a week ago Sunday, I wrote about my niece's 98 year old mother-in-law. Her name was Edith Dearing Johnston. She was born in Athens, Georgia, the oldest of 5 children. She outlived both her brothers, both her sisters, her husband and her youngest son. She lost him to cancer on April 2, 2013. She was survived by his widow and his son, her only grandchild. She was also survived by her older son and his wife.

Edith graduated from the University of Georgia with a degree in education as a math major, and another degree in library science. She did this during a time when not many women went to college. She married Fred E. Johnston and had her two sons. Her younger son, Fred Jr.,  contracted polio when he was only nine months old. He was the youngest Polio poster child in the state of Georgia. He lived most of his childhood at Warm Springs, Georgia where he received therapy and rehabilitation. During his childhood, Edith and Fred traveled to Warm Springs every weekend if it wasn't raining. They couldn't go if it rained because their other son had to stay outside to avoid contamination. Eventually Fred, Jr. was able to come home and finish school at Decatur High School. He graduated from Georgia State University and Atlanta Law School.

Edith retired from the State of Georgia as a Librarian. She was very talented and had many interests. She made beautiful porcelain dolls and painted in oils. She kept track of her investments, paid her own bills, read the Atlanta Journal every day, watched every Braves game and was a great golf fan. She enjoyed traveling with Pat, eating out and LOVED The Varsity. Her memory was incredible. She never forgot a name or face and her sense of humor was intact until the end.

Sadly, Edith was not properly honored in death. Her other son and his wife made the funeral "arrangements" . My niece Pat was not included. There was no obituary in the Atlanta Journal or even on the funeral home website. Edith had requested an Episcopal priest and ceremony. This did not happen. The retired minister who was sent by the funeral home had never met her and did not have any information about her. The service was graveside and lasted exactly 5 minutes. The only people in attendance other than Edith's son and his wife were Pat's friends and family. Edith's niece from Florida would not have known Edith had died if Pat had not called her. She and her husband drove up just for the service. People were not given the opportunity to pay their respects. There was no visitation. I never knew you could get a "used" vault, but obviously you can. I helped Pat make arrangements for Fred's funeral. There was a huge visitation, a beautiful funeral and a graveside service. I helped Pat make her own mother's pre-arrangements.  I buried both my parents. I know how a loved one should be honored; how a life should be celebrated. It broke my heart that any son would have so little respect and love for his mother that he would just throw her out almost like garbage.

So, we honored Edith by going to dinner (those who came for Pat) after the graveside service and telling stories about her; shedding tears; sharing laughter. I honor her by writing this little piece. I will honor her by helping Pat make sure that Edith's wishes are carried out according to her will. I will honor her by encouraging others to make their own arrangements in advance so that this doesn't happen to anyone else. I will make my own arrangements, have my will in place and have my advanced directives. I will be sure that someone has POA long before it is needed. I will do these things while I am "young" and in somewhat "sound" mind. God bless you Edith. You were loved and you will be missed.